November 30, 2017
Home is a hard word for me. It has been most of my life. I have always wanted a place that I could feel 100% at home. A place that was totally safe, totally compassionate, and totally mine.
I don’t think it matters how you grew up - whether you were an army brat, a foster kid, or an explorer like me - home can be a weird subject when things were less than ideal or far from the norm.
My perspective on home has certainly brought me down a lot of paths. Traveling, researching, settling, and accepting, but the most important path has been one that keeps me going as all the others come to a dead end. It’s the path of studying a place that is a perfect home, a true home, a safe home. A home where everything will finally be made okay and where I will know I always belong. It’s not a home I can be in now, but it’s guaranteed for the future.
The more I travel, the more uneasy I feel. The more I research, the more exhausted I become. There’s a swelling frustration that comes with searching for the perfect place here on this earth. Where can I live where I can feel fully good, at peace, and safe? That I can bring my family to and they can live with me? That I can raise some kids and build community and…
The more I search and the longer my list grows of what home should be, the more my perspective on home settles. Home is not here. It’s there.
I read about it in Isaiah mostly. A story of travelers coming from every end of the globe. They come from distant lands to arrive at a place they can finally lay their heads down at night in peace. A new earth and a real city. A city whose light comes from the God of love. There are no burglars or "bad guys" and everyone can finally rest. This is heaven as home and it’s a really great one.
In the past few months, I’ve seen and been around a lot of death. It’s heartbreaking, unnatural, and incredibly gut-wrenching to process. It’s ugly and horrible and bad - there’s no getting around it. Although I would have rather been surrounded by life, my circumstances and those of the people I am closest with have reminded me of the realness of home - the realness of heaven.
My newest works are my interpretation of that place - heaven - as home, inspired by bible verses, colors, and imagination. Many of them mountainous and rocky, all leading me in my mind towards the best home we could ever imagine.
I look forward to sharing these pieces with you. They may not be earth-shattering in technique, and they may never belong in an art museum, but they are filled with heart, vision, and hope of a home that is perfect for everyone.